Reflection #3: Keep Your Priorities Straight

If I close my eyes and try really hard I can still hear the voices of little ones singing
            J - O - Y,  J - O - Y   this is what it means,
           Jesus first, Yourself last , and Others in between

That song would repeat over and over on Sunday mornings when I was in junior high and high school. Those were the first days that I lead kids in worship.  Those were the first days that I thought about what it meant to help people connect with something bigger than themselves - to connect with God.

Now more than 30 years later and 25 years into ministry I realize that this little song had more to teach me than I ever thought possible.  It speaks of priorities that come from deep wisdom.  It speaks about the key to keeping oneself focused and sane in a world that fights to drive you crazy!

So now as I reflect back on the past years of ministry and marriage I offer you these priorities:

1. KEEP GOD FIRST
Believe me.  This is more true than you or I can fully know. If God is not first than nothing else will ever truly be right.  I could write entire books about this; in fact many have for good reason.  God is the beginning .  He is the reason we have a life and the ability to set or neglect priorities in the first place.  For that alone (and many other reasons) the first place in our lives belongs rightfully to Him only.

2.YOUR SPOUSE IS NEXT
After God comes my wife.  This is God's plan that the two will become one and stand together to show the world an example of what love and relationship should be. A wise man once said to me, "The best thing you can do for your kids is to love their mother."  I believe that advice has served me well, but I will amend it a bit.  The most important thing is to show my kids how and why I love God.  Out of that flows a deep desire to be everything I can in love and support to my wife.  The first feeds the second and both make me strong.

3. THE CHILDREN ARE NEXT
My kids need to know that they are valued and important, but not more important than my first two loves: God and their Mother.  I love my kids dearly.  I am crazy, over the top, proud of who they are.  However, no matter how great and important they are to me, I want them to know that they are a gift to me from God. Because of this I love God even more than before they were around.  I also want them to know that as Tami and I work and pray hard to give them the best life and love we have to offer, we fall deeper in love with each other watching them grow.  I see in my kids the best of the things that made me fall in love with their Mom.  The time will come when they will grow out of our house and move on, but Tami and I will never leave each other.  Keeping this in mind reminds us that as much as we love our kids, our love for each other must be nurtured and kept alive first.

4. WORK IS THE SERVANT OF THE TOP THREE
In the right priority, our vocation is the servant of everything else in our lives.  By using our gifts and abilities, we honor God. By working hard and making a living we clothe, care for, and protect our family - securing the future of our spouse and kids - as much as we are capable.  Your job should not take over your life as much as support it.  For me this is ministry.  The focus is my church.  Many times I have felt the pull to put the church,  a person in need, or my career goals - yes ministers have them too - ahead of the needs of my family.  One of the greatest traps we face in America is the temptation to want to give our family so much more than they need.  We want the big house and the nice cars and the good vacations -  often to the point that we will trade simple quiet moments or good times at home for long hours at work. This is supposed to give us all we want.  The sad reality is that time can slip away and the work has become the only life we have.  The family has been lost in the meantime - regardless of the best intentions.  Good priorities tell us that the kids need fewer ipods and game systems and more time at home with Dad.  The family may just need fewer big expensive vacations and more quiet evenings or Saturday mornings at home.


There are many other priorities I could share  but this is a blog, not a book.  and you have probably gotten bored and gone back to Facebook by now anyway. :-)

If not, take a little time to connect with God right now.  Ask him to help you search your priorities and keep them straight.

Reflection #2: Tying Memories to Christ

Everyone loves to reminisce and laugh about the fun times they have shared together in the past.  I have so many fond memories of my college days where we pranked each other or sneaked ( or is it "snuck"? . . .no, it's "sneaked") out of the dorms to make late night food runs to Taco Bell or Denny's  - ah Denny's, how I long for the simple days when I thought you created high cuisine!  Those were golden days for me at Columbia Christian College - magical days.  It was during those days, building those memories, that I first really took faith seriously.  Many of those harmless nights of fun were actually pivotal in my spiritual formation.  It was there and then that I began to learn that God is honored when his kids enjoy each other.

As I moved into Youth Ministry a few years later I realized that my teens were full of mischief and into the same kinds of harmless fun I loved.  We were in Coeur d'Alene ID.. What an amazing place. It was my first full-time ministry and I didn't really know what I was doing.  Tami and I were newly-weds and clearly very cool in the eyes of the teens.  (In fact on our first day at the church,  Tami was so young and good looking that one of the more outgoing youth group guys actually hit on her, not realizing she was the new Youth Minister's wife - yeah I used that against him for a lot of good mileage - but I digress)

The years we were there we toilet papered plenty of houses and spent as much time as possible out in the sun and on the beautiful lakes. We jumped off cliffs into the lake and water skied every chance we got. In the Winter we skated on the lake and sledded our brains out.  It was there that Tami and I really learned to ski.  In the short time we were there we built some terrific friendships with those teens and those relationships are still important to us and them today.

There was a principle at work then that we didn't even understand.  Paul talks about it in 1 Thessalonians 2:8
 We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the Gospel of Christ , but our very lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.

We didn't know it, but through the fun times we shared and the memories that were being made, God was knitting us together - not just with each other, but with Him as well.  From the time I realized this truth,  I began to live with the belief that ministry, in a nutshell, is about building positive memories and tying those memories to Christ.  

This principle has served us well.  Now as we plan a program, or write a camp curriculum, or develop the next set of Bible studies  this principle guides almost everything.  The key question is, "How can we make this enjoyable, memorable, and clearly glorify God?"  If those three goals are met - whatever the event  it is a success.  In the past 25 years, many crazy, creative events have grown out of this principle and  more importantly, so have many faithful people.

Reflections on 25 years of Youth Ministry - #1

Yep - you read that right.  I am celebrating 25 years of being in full time Youth Ministry this year...and yes that does mean that I started my first youth ministry when I was just 4 years old.  Although short of stature, I have always been an over achiever.

Anyway I have decided that since I am feeling a bit nostalgic about this milestone, I will write some posts reflecting on lessons I have learned through my adventures in ministry.  This first post is dedicated to the family God has blessed me with at the Conejo Valley Church of Christ.  Tami and I and our kids, Brendin , Caleb and Alicia, owe a great debt of gratitude and love to this wonderful body of believers! The past twenty years of ministry have been spent in partnership with you and we have been blessed!

When people ask me how I have managed to stay at one church for such a long time I often joke that Conejo is just a hard place to get fired from.  In reality, for us, it has grown over the years to be a place that would be very hard for us to leave. My children grew up here.  That is no small gift.  It is rare for kids to be able to grow up in the same house with Dad in the same job for their entire life.  This is a gift Conejo gave us.  Thank you for that!

While no place or person or congregation is perfect the truth is that the Conejo church has done an awful lot of things right to help us stay active and effective.  In this first post I want to focus on just a few of those things.

1. Flexibility and Forgiveness - This church body has been open to trying new things and given me the confidence to stretch my creativity without fear of "getting in trouble." We have instigated some pretty outrageous ideas in the name of ministry.  Where else could I start an October tradition of a German-style beer garden serving root beer with bratwurst, soft pretzels, and an apple strudel contest as a fundraiser for mission trips?  What other group of elders would let me pit them against the youth in a contest several years in a row with the consequences being that the losers have to go into a dunk tank in front of the entire congregation?  We have allowed a flash mob in the middle of the Sunday morning announcements in order to promote an upcoming youth event.  We have given space to teens to help teach and preach during the Sunday morning sermon.  Other ideas have not gone so well, such as a game of whiffle ball in the auditorium resulting in a broken skylight in the 40 foot tall ceiling.  Gracious support and an atmosphere of trust have nurtured my creative imagination for ministry here. When things didn't go exactly according to plan, the response of both parents and elders has been characterized by helpful assessment and forgiveness. Those are the real secrets to longevity.

2. Support for my education - From the beginning the Conejo church encouraged me to keep learning.  The elders gave me a book fund as a part of the church budget as soon as I came here.  This did not come out of my salary or the youth budget.  It is a separate line in the overall church budget, designated specifically for me to be able to gain the resources I need in my personal library for personal growth and improvement in ministry.  They have also consistently encouraged me to pursue formal education - leading to my completion of the Master of Divinity and the Doctor of Ministry I hope to complete in the next year.

3. The elders offered me a seat at the table - In our leadership structure, the elders are the true overseers.  They are "my bosses" in the sense that I need to respect them and follow their lead. They set the salaries and do the "hiring and firing." Though all that is true, my elders never made me feel like I was just an employee.  From the beginning I have felt like a valued partner in ministry.  I have always been welcomed to have a voice in key congregational, pastoral, and ministry decisions.  Over the years, this has allowed me to  watch and learn from their wisdom. It has also allowed me to stretch my wings in pastoral care and managing tough congregational decisions within the safety of their leadership.  From talking with or advising other young ministers over the years who have struggled with various issues in their churches, I know that my situation in this regard is rather rare. This is because, I believe, the attitude of my elders is rare.  I am very thankful for these men.  God has taught me much through them.

Well there are just a few of the reasons I have lasted so long in ministry at Conejo.  God has been good and will continue to be - I am sure.

More reflections to come...

Death Is Not Fatal

Few have been so positive and had such an impact on my life as Greg and Kevin Woods.  They are true friends and brothers to me in every aspect of my walk.  We live far apart in geography but walk together in One Kingdom, under One Lord.

Yesterday the ground of the Kingdom shook as Kevin's son Ryan passed from one state to another.  We will miss him.  We will be moved and taught by him for years to come.  We will eagerly long to see his legacy continue in his beautiful family.  If you did not know Ryan, you have missed the chance to really see someone live faith in ways that could be touched and felt.

Truly, thanks be to God for his faithfulness and the way it shined through Ryan in the midst of the ugliest face of pain, and shadow of impending loss. Pray for Jessica, his beautiful wife left behind too soon.  Pray for Jones and India, his amazing children who are witnesses to the truth of separation in ways none of us would want to experience. Pray for Kevin and Brenda, faithful parents who now stand in for their son with their Grandkids as they never hoped they would have to.

Grief and loss come on us like waves of the ocean. Sometimes it is as we stand with our backs to the sea and they sweep over us, taking us by surprise.  We are shocked and shaken and battle against it just to take a breath.  At other times we faithfully face the ocean, standing strong  knowing the waves are coming and brace ourselves for them.  There will be several of these moments and the give and take of joy and grief, of laughter and pain, of love and loss that will sweep in and out of all of the hearts of each of us that knew Ryan, but none will feel it so deeply or profoundly as those who were closest to him.  May we all be as ready as Ryan was when the time comes and may we all be there for those he loved in these hard days.

The video posted below is such a great tribute to Ryan and Jessica and their faith and love.  Please watch it, think of them and pray.

Even in pain, God is good.

Hunger Games Hurt!

I love working with teenagers!  I don't always do a good job of getting right down inside of their world or staying on top of all the latest fads, but once in a while I try to read the books or watch shows they are into. Last year one of the hot book series that my high school group was tearing into and talking about was The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. My own daughter devoured the series and so I decided to pick it up as well.

I was fascinated with why teens loved this series so much.  I admit, I think it was well written.  Every chapter ended with some sort of cliff hanger which drove me to keep reading, but I was really disturbed by the premise and the story line.  If you've not read it, I don't want to be a spoiler, but I think it is safe to say that the premise for the book is horrific. What follows is the main idea for the series. It is set in the future where society is run by an overbearing Capital. After a war - which the Capital decisively won - the country presented is divided into 12 districts.  Every year, in order to remind the districts that the Capital is in control, and to provide entertainment for the Capital residents, each district must send two "tributes," randomly selected, to take place in "the Hunger Games."   These tributes - between the age of 12 and 20 - are then brought to the Capital where they take part in a battle to the death which is televised and "celebrated" throughout the entire country. The books follow the story of two kids from the poorest district.  How they cope with having to fight others to the death and deal with the drama surrounding their programmed lives make up the central story line of the series.  

As I read the series, I enjoyed the twists and turns of the plot but I didn't really like the content.  What fascinated me the most was that when I asked teens why they liked the series; they simply said "It's just sooooo good!"  When I pressed them about what they liked most they said that the whole idea just fascinated them.  It is not that they would ever want to be in that situation or wanted to kill anybody but that they somehow related to the main characters.  

The more I thought about this series and my kids, the more I was reminded of two books by Chap Clark: Hurt and Hurt 2.0.   In these works, Clark has done a great deal of research trying to understand the inside world of today's teenagers.  He describes today's teens as abandoned by the adult world.  I won't get into great detail here because there is not enough room.  Suffice it to say that Clark has done an excellent job of describing much of the pain and confusion of today's adolescents.  When I first read his work, I thought he had overstated his case to make a point.  The more time I have spent thinking through his words and research and talking to teens, the more I believe Chap is accurate in his ideas and conclusions.  

Put these two together, and I think some great connections can be made between what Clark defines as adolescent abandonment and why teens relate to The Hunger Games and seem to love it so much. My point here is simple.  Could it be that our society, including the school system, varsity and club sports, high demand choir and band programs and high academic expectations, make our teens feel like their entire lives are pushed to perform for adults?  Could it be that the high levels of achievement that we drive them toward feel a lot like unwanted expectations that adults force upon them like the tributes are forced to battle each other in the Hunger Games?  Could it be that the competition they feel for spots on the team or top of the class or college admission and scholarships feel slightly akin to the battle the tributes are thrown into against each other?

At the very least, this gives me pause to think about how I value and love the teens around me.  Do my actions as an adult cause them to compete for value or recognition?  Do I love and support them regardless of their performance or talents?  Do the teens I know realize that  - to the best of my ability -  my love and support for them are unconditional, or do they think I only care about what they do?  I don't want any of the kids I care about to be in any form of the Hunger Games, whether real or metaphorical.  I want to do my best to live my life and shape my relationships with them in such a way that they will know that.

Everything Is Better With Bacon

 Sometimes I wonder about what God is up to, I wonder why I can’t see everything or understand why He doesn’t just clue us into his plan right up front. Why do we have to seek Him in mystery and through trying times?  Then, once in a while, I get a shot of clarity – something that has been right there in front of me for years suddenly opens up with new meaning and simple truth.  I am amazed by these insights.  Why couldn’t I see them before?  Am I really that dense, or self-focused - blind to evidence and actions which should support my faith and trust in God?  The answer is, “Yes, I am.”  In a very real sense, I guess we all are.  We can only see what is in front of us or around us.  At  best we struggle to make some sense of the past – trying to carve out insight for the future. This week the source of my insight is simply this: BACON.

There’s nothing quite like the smell of bacon in the morning.  It gets people up and going.  It makes their mouths water.  Even if you don’t really eat it all that often, it just smells so good! 

Ancient Israel was given over 600 laws governing every part of life. Among them was the list of forbidden foods.  Right there at the top of the list was pork.  Pigs were “unclean animals” and should never be eaten by the people of God. 

I can look back now and see how God was actually protecting this early nomadic hoard as they moved across the landscape of the ancient Middle East.  Pork is a dangerous meat.  If it isn’t handled correctly, cooked completely or kept refrigerated, it can be deadly.  So, in his vast wisdom, God simply told them “Don’t eat it.  It is unclean!”

It’s kind of like a Dad with a three year old and a hot stove.  “Stay away from it.” We say to them. “That could really hurt you. Don’t turn the knobs or touch it when me or Mommy are working in the kitchen.  Don’t try to grab the handles of the pans on top. This can be really dangerous.” 

It’s not that the people of Ancient Israel were running around like ignorant little three year olds, totally irresponsible and needing heroic protection.  They weren’t stupid.  It’s just that the understanding of microbiology, and bacteria was a ways down the road for them.  So God did the easiest, best thing he could do to protect them.  “That is dangerous!  Leave it alone,”

I can just imagine the conversation between God and the angels  - or whoever he talks to..  “Yeah, I told them not to eat pork.  They don’t get it now, but one of these days when they have more knowledge about their environment, they will figure out about bacteria and refrigeration.  Then they can eat the pig.  Just wait till they get a load of bacon!  They won’t believe what they were missing!”

God, in his amazing creativity and love not only protected his early people from unknown dangers, but he made pigs in such a way that when we were finally ready, there was an amazing surprise waiting for us all.  Think about it.  Is there anything out there that tastes and smells like bacon? Nothing!  God knew what he was doing.  He waited until the right time in our history to reveal the treasure hidden inside one of his tastiest creations!

What else out there is like this? There have got to be other hidden treasures that God has revealed or is waiting to reveal to us when the time is right or we are ready.

As a husband and father, I can tell my own children and those in my youth ministry that the most intimate connection between a man and a woman is like this. Outside of God’s timing and plan for you, this can really mess you up.  Placed inside God’s timing and pattern - through marriage and life-long commitment - it is an amazing gift.  This alone is capable of bringing you the deepest richness of connection and love you will ever feel with another person.  Beyond that, it brings other young lives into being and perpetuates your legacy and love to future generations!

As I reflect on bacon and what other treasures God must be hiding and waiting for us to find, I have hope.  It’s like life is a giant Easter egg hunt and God has hidden the treasures. He will reveal them when we are ready.  I don’t really know what they are but I can hardly wait.  Jesus said, “I go to prepare a place for you.”*  Paul writes, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."*

I don’t know what’s next, but for now…

wake up and smell the bacon!

*John 14:2 and 1 Corinthians, 2:9

Happy Breath-day To You

Chances are, if you are reading this, when you woke up this morning you were breathing.  If you are anything like me, you breathe a lot! I am an excellent breather.  I breathe all the time. When I am walking, I am breathing. I can breath while I drive down the road, I can breathe while eating or reading or watching TV. I’ve been simultaneously breathing the entire time I wrote down these words.  In fact, I am so good at breathing that I breathe in my sleep. I have done it forever, and sometime - a long time ago - it just became natural for me.  I don’t even have to think about it, it just happens.  I move, I sit, I sleep, I swim – I breathe!

Okay, a little confession. I realize that we all do these things.  That’s the way God designed us.  In his wisdom, he knew that we would need to breathe and we shouldn’t have to think about it. It would be best for us if it was just automatic – and it is.  There are lots of things in our lives that are like that.  Our hearts keep beating without our thinking about it. We don’t have to tell our cells to extract nutrients from within our blood.

 And speaking of that, what about metabolizing food? Now there’s a crazy thing we never really think about.  Sure, some of us are perhaps too obsessed with counting calories or fretting over nutrition, but I don’t know of anyone who stops in the middle of a meal or afterward to concentrate on which proteins to send to where from their cheeseburger, or what to do with that canole you just sent down the gullet to be digested and made into parts of you! 

In a sense, our digestion can be a magical thing. Sure we have all heard the phrase, “You are what you eat.” but have you ever stopped to think how strange that is? You take a three foot long toasty brown baguette – the kind that is crunchy hard on the outside and soft in the middle – if you get hit in the head with that or if someone jabs you in the stomach with one, it’s gonna hurt.  However, you take that same French-baked baseball bat , cut in half and slather it with butter, or better yet, Nutella, and it is delightful.  You chew it up and swallow it and it becomes the building blocks of your manly (or womanly) physique!  That’s crazy!  But it’s all this way because that’s how God designed us!

Our bodies are not the only thing that is automatic.  The entire planet works on a schedule which we do not have to program or think about.  I don’t think I have ever gone to sleep praying, “Lord, please keep us in orbit.  While I sleep, please don’t forget to keep the world spinning so that we can have the illusion of the sun coming up in the morning.  Please don’t let us spin off into the cold of deep space or be sucked into the intense heat of the sun so that we spontaneously burst into flames!.”  I’ve never worried about whether or not gravity will remain constant.  The possibility of it increasing until I cannot walk or I get crushed under my own weight has never been a real concern. At the same time I have never worried that one day I might walk out of my house and suddenly just float off into space because gravity just let go.  In a very real, tangible sort of way, we owe a lot more to God than we ever know.

The psalmist put it simply: “This is the day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.” When I think about it this way, I am amazed at all the things which make life possible - things I enjoy every day and never really even think about .  All these things are in place because the Lord made them to be.  In that case this simple verse form Psalm 118 means more than I used to think it did.  The important thing is not that this day or that day is more important than any other..  It’s that every day I have here is a day that I wake up breathing, walking, eating and enjoying because God created me and everything I experience with every part of my being.  The profound truth is that most of what life depends on works so well; by His design, that I fully benefit from it without ever having to adjust or control it.  This is the day THAT THE LORD HAS MADE!   

Any day I am breathing is a good day!

Happy breath day to me – and to you.