Brendin at 20

I remember the day he was born so clearly. If I close my eyes I  can see it   It was a Sunday afternoon. We were in ministry in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, but were certain we were not going to church that night.  All the details are not necessary to share here now.  The truth is, it was a bit traumatic and over the next six weeks, I learned more about life and how precious it really is than perhaps I had learned in the 27 years prior.

Truthfully, I probably didn't learn new lessons, but had life-long lessons brought home and made alive like never before.  I thought of my Dad who had died some 14 years earlier and how he loved babies.  He had a way with little ones, and they loved him.  It saddened me to think that he would never meet or hold Brendin or that Brendin would never know him.  I reflected on how he must have felt at my birth and that of my seven other siblings.  I couldn't wrap my mind around that much responsibility, yet was comforted and bewildered by the joy I felt and how much so many births must have brought to him and Mom.   

I remember wondering how I would challenge my youth group to partner with us in raising Bendin to love the Lord.  We were supposed to take the group bowling after worship that night.  When we didn't show up there was pandemonium with all the teens wanting to know what was happening.  In our youthful "wisdom," we had decided on a home birth, so our friends ran interference, giving us space and keeping the teens away.  Our Moms were both with us. What a blessing to have them there.

In quiet moments over the next few days, I reflected again and again on Psalm 139:
        Fearfully and wonderfully made...
        your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.
Those words had more meaning to me in the days after Brendin's birth than they ever did before.  They continue to amaze me and make me fall deeper in love with the One who created all things.  As Caleb and Alicia were born three and five years later, I revisited those quiet moments and the memories of my first days with Brendin.  Sitting in peaceful reflection, holding the tiny child and marveling at the perfect little fingers, I would sit speechless, every fiber of my being exuding gratefulness and praise to God for such beautiful gifts given to me.

If I continued to tell stories of Brendin, I could write pages and pages of how he has brought joy into my life and made me proud in so many ways.  Life with him has been an amazing journey of faithfulness and discovery.  He inspires me and gives me hope as I see faith shape him and laugh at the sheer joy of who he is.  It's hard to believe that he is no longer a teenager.  I don't feel old enough to have a twenty year old son, but God has taught me a lifetime of lessons through learning to raise and nurture him.

I am so grateful for all three of my amazing children - God's hand touches me through them daily.  I am deeply blessed by life with an amazing,beautiful wife and a trio of children who far surpass the blessedness I deserve.

Happy 20th Brendin.  You are my gift.

Sweetness and Grief

A few years ago, my mother-in-law passed away.  She was a wonderful prayer warrior and lover of life.  Shortly after she passed, a friend came to visit, bringing us a live plant and a large plate of brownies.  She explained that she was carrying on an old tradition.  The sweets were meant to ease the bitterness of loss. The plant was a reminder that life goes on.

I was reminded this week of how this wonderful traditon touched me when our neighbors had to fly to Florida for the funeral of the man's father.  While they were gone we watched their dogs for them and had a live plant and a plate of goodies waiting for them when they returned.

Reflecting on this tradition, I realize that it is a true picture of the faithfulness and provision of God.  Throughout Scripture we see that God is ever present in the lives of countless men and women.  Even when they fail to acknowledge Him, He is present.  When Adam and Eve fall from grace and try to hide, God meets them in the garden.  Even as their decision brings death into creation, God makes provision for them and brings them life through the birth of sons.  When mankind becomes so tainted by sin that God decides to begin again, He raises up Noah and gives the gift of the rainbow to show how He promises life in the face of death.  On and on it goes.  As sin and the selfish ambitions of men and women wreak havoc throughout history God meets us in the midst of pain and reminds us that we were created for something more, that He offers us a better life. 

Finally, God Himself pays the ultimate price.  He experiences the pain and rejection of sin when He has no sin.  Yet even in this death on the cross He is present, bringing us life.  It is in fact because of this death and through this death that true life, eternal life is even possible for us.  May we all have eyes to see.   May we be moved to live in such a way that this death is not in vain for us individually and each death we grieve will be a reminder that this life is not all there is!

Good reason to smile

In my best slang - 'If this video don't make you smile, your face just must be broke!"



I don't know who this little girl is or where she lives, but I am so glad that her Mom posted this amazing little video on youtube. She makes me laugh and pray with joy while I wonder where my childlike enthusiasm has gone. We should all be able to find this kind of enthusiasm and heart in devotion to the One. Amen.

A little bit of letting go

A little bit of letting go is sometimes a good thing. Two days ago we took our oldest son, Brendin, to the airport. He is in Heidelberg, Germany for school for the next 9 months. It was a sweet good-bye as we hugged and hung out for the last few moments - all excited for him to go and have a great year and experience great things. We got home late in the afternoon and all was well. That night I thought about him being on the plane and I just smiled, praying that God would safely take him to places he had never been before, physically, emotionally and spiritually throughout the upcoming odyssey.

Yesterday morning I got up and realized - Brendin is gone! He is half way across the world until we fly him home at Christmas. I know it is not final and I know it is a good thing - but none-the-less, he is gone!

For years I have told people in crisis that grief comes in waves, just like the ocean tide. The waves of grief and realization roll in and over you. You have no control over how often they come or how hard they hit. You have only to try to control your reaction to them. I didn't think these same kinds of waves would come from something as simple as sending Brendin overseas. I have learned that they do.

For a couple of reasons I have talked to Brendin via video on Skype both yesterday and today. We had to tie up some loose ends that we didn't foresee - being rookies at this "study abroad" thing. In that process I could see the faintest relief in his face within just a few seconds after the video came up and we could see each other. I heard the faintest longing for home and familiar friends in his voice. I thought maybe I was reading too much into all this, but then it happened. It was 1:00 in the morning his time and we were wrapping up a talk about money and other mundane necessities. He said he was tired and needed to go to bed. I said I would let him go and then paused thinking how tired he looked and he jumped out to say, "Good night, Dad. I love you." In all of the times I have talked to him on the phone, or Facebook or in person over the last year since he graduated, I have always said "I love you" first. He would sometimes answer,"I love you too" but not always. On this night through the internet from half way across the world, he said "I love you" first.

It caused me to pause after hanging up the call. It caused me to pray in thanksgiving to God for the son I have in Germany. It made want to appreciate the two kids at home a bit more openly. It caused me to wonder how soon Tami would be home from work so we could just be in the same place and not take it for granted.

In just two days, Brendin's short absence has taught me that a little bit of letting go causes us to hold each other tighter in powerful, important ways. A little bit of letting go is a good thing.

A wise person once said of lovers that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I guess that can also true for Dads and sons.

Consuming Fire

I've been thinking lately about getting busy writing a book. Hebrews 12 speaks of God as a consuming fire. Several years ago we walked through this idea as our theme for Teen Camp. A couple years later I used it as a sermon series. Now I am thinking through it again. Here are some possible lessons or topics i may pursue:

1. If God is a consuming fire then we are firewood. We are meant to be consumed and used by his Spirit to burn/shine. There are several biblical allusions which build on this.

2. Firewood was meant to burn: We were designed and created to let his spirit bring things out of us that might never been seen in any other way. A log on the woodpile never gives heat or light. Once it is given over to the flames, it gives both and pops with potential as "sweet spots" of sap and oils break out in life. For us, these correspond to talents, gifts and abilities which God has placed in us or He empowers us to have and do when we give our lives over to His reign.

3. A burning log gathers no moss: A log that is on fire is not susceptible to moss and decay. In this analogy, the Spirit of God gives us strength to overcome old habits and temptations.

I have a couple other thoughts but I thought I would float these few for now. Any feedback?

Life and prayer

Okay , so it's been awhile since I posted. I must confess, summer hits and I am off to camps and mission trip and all kinds of activity with teens and I seldom land back online. In the midst of the busy-ness find that I have to keep my head up and my heart bowing to God. There are so many things going on that I feel like my world is spinning out of control at times. That is when I am driven to prayer. Not always the kind of prayer that takes me to the quiet place for a long period of connection and listening. More often it is the kind of prayer that leads me to seek wisdom and insight from God while things are spinning around me. It is the quick prayer of "Lord help me help her." while a student is pouring out her heart about doubt or pain or how someone has hurt her. It is the hopeful cry of my spirit for God to lead while I stand to speak or teach. It is the joyful prayer of laughter and thanksgiving that rises up in me as I see students laughing together or running like crazy in some wacky game or activity. All these remind me that prayer life is life - not something separate from it.

Life is hard...and then you die.

When I was in grad school at ACU I was given the assignment of writing a treatise on the theology of the book of Ecclesiastes. The title of this blog is the title I gave that paper. I love reading that book. The author seems to have such a fresh, clear perspective on life. I have known some over the years who say Ecclesiastes is negative and depressing. I heartily disagree. I think it is written by a realist who is trying his best to offer his experience to any who will listen in order to help them not have to learn the hard way as he did. This book is filled with brilliance.

In some ways. life today seems harder than it used to be. My teens are all running in circles for so many reasons. School has them running ragged and competing for top grades unlike I remember in years past. It certainly wasn't this competitive when I was in high school. All the extra-curricular activities from dance to sports to cheer to band and choir demand so much more from these kids. Almost every sport has become year round with off season training and practice. School performances have become major productions, requiring months of preparation and commitment. It is all so much work! As the writer of old would say - it feels like chasing after the wind.

In the end, I find myself having to scream more loudly in ways that were never before necessary to be heard above the din of activity in my students' lives. I have to plead for them to give some time to youth group or a retreat or a Bible study or just an afternoon to hang out for coffee or a coke and just talk. In the end, how many of them give away their adolescence days to football or dance or any number of time-robbing activities in which they will never "go pro." For what?...a letter to put on a jacket?....the possibility of a college scholarship so they can give up their college experience to another tyrannical schedule with coaches and games and more need for high performance?

I ache for so many of my teens. I ache for my own kids when the race seems to grab them by the soul and make them feel inadequate if they take time to relax, or play or just enjoy an afternoon doing nothing more than just being!

Oh yes, I definitely relate to the writer of Ecclesiastes. This all seems meaningless and chasing after the wind. In the end he gives a great short-hand to the life lived by perspective. Listen to these words from Ecclesiastes chapter 12:
Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"

It seems those days come earlier than they used to. He ends by reminding us that the best we can do with our days is to fear God and keep his commandments In the end nothing else matters.

Adding my two cents, take some in the next few days to do nothing and take someone else with you. It just might be the most productive thing you do all week!