If I close my eyes and try really hard I can still hear the voices of little ones singing
J - O - Y, J - O - Y this is what it means,
Jesus first, Yourself last , and Others in between
That song would repeat over and over on Sunday mornings when I was in junior high and high school. Those were the first days that I lead kids in worship. Those were the first days that I thought about what it meant to help people connect with something bigger than themselves - to connect with God.
Now more than 30 years later and 25 years into ministry I realize that this little song had more to teach me than I ever thought possible. It speaks of priorities that come from deep wisdom. It speaks about the key to keeping oneself focused and sane in a world that fights to drive you crazy!
So now as I reflect back on the past years of ministry and marriage I offer you these priorities:
1. KEEP GOD FIRST
Believe me. This is more true than you or I can fully know. If God is not first than nothing else will ever truly be right. I could write entire books about this; in fact many have for good reason. God is the beginning . He is the reason we have a life and the ability to set or neglect priorities in the first place. For that alone (and many other reasons) the first place in our lives belongs rightfully to Him only.
2.YOUR SPOUSE IS NEXT
After God comes my wife. This is God's plan that the two will become one and stand together to show the world an example of what love and relationship should be. A wise man once said to me, "The best thing you can do for your kids is to love their mother." I believe that advice has served me well, but I will amend it a bit. The most important thing is to show my kids how and why I love God. Out of that flows a deep desire to be everything I can in love and support to my wife. The first feeds the second and both make me strong.
3. THE CHILDREN ARE NEXT
My kids need to know that they are valued and important, but not more important than my first two loves: God and their Mother. I love my kids dearly. I am crazy, over the top, proud of who they are. However, no matter how great and important they are to me, I want them to know that they are a gift to me from God. Because of this I love God even more than before they were around. I also want them to know that as Tami and I work and pray hard to give them the best life and love we have to offer, we fall deeper in love with each other watching them grow. I see in my kids the best of the things that made me fall in love with their Mom. The time will come when they will grow out of our house and move on, but Tami and I will never leave each other. Keeping this in mind reminds us that as much as we love our kids, our love for each other must be nurtured and kept alive first.
4. WORK IS THE SERVANT OF THE TOP THREE
In the right priority, our vocation is the servant of everything else in our lives. By using our gifts and abilities, we honor God. By working hard and making a living we clothe, care for, and protect our family - securing the future of our spouse and kids - as much as we are capable. Your job should not take over your life as much as support it. For me this is ministry. The focus is my church. Many times I have felt the pull to put the church, a person in need, or my career goals - yes ministers have them too - ahead of the needs of my family. One of the greatest traps we face in America is the temptation to want to give our family so much more than they need. We want the big house and the nice cars and the good vacations - often to the point that we will trade simple quiet moments or good times at home for long hours at work. This is supposed to give us all we want. The sad reality is that time can slip away and the work has become the only life we have. The family has been lost in the meantime - regardless of the best intentions. Good priorities tell us that the kids need fewer ipods and game systems and more time at home with Dad. The family may just need fewer big expensive vacations and more quiet evenings or Saturday mornings at home.
There are many other priorities I could share but this is a blog, not a book. and you have probably gotten bored and gone back to Facebook by now anyway. :-)
If not, take a little time to connect with God right now. Ask him to help you search your priorities and keep them straight.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Reflection #2: Tying Memories to Christ
Everyone loves to reminisce and laugh about the fun times they have shared together in the past. I have so many fond memories of my college days where we pranked each other or sneaked ( or is it "snuck"? . . .no, it's "sneaked") out of the dorms to make late night food runs to Taco Bell or Denny's - ah Denny's, how I long for the simple days when I thought you created high cuisine! Those were golden days for me at Columbia Christian College - magical days. It was during those days, building those memories, that I first really took faith seriously. Many of those harmless nights of fun were actually pivotal in my spiritual formation. It was there and then that I began to learn that God is honored when his kids enjoy each other.
As I moved into Youth Ministry a few years later I realized that my teens were full of mischief and into the same kinds of harmless fun I loved. We were in Coeur d'Alene ID.. What an amazing place. It was my first full-time ministry and I didn't really know what I was doing. Tami and I were newly-weds and clearly very cool in the eyes of the teens. (In fact on our first day at the church, Tami was so young and good looking that one of the more outgoing youth group guys actually hit on her, not realizing she was the new Youth Minister's wife - yeah I used that against him for a lot of good mileage - but I digress)
The years we were there we toilet papered plenty of houses and spent as much time as possible out in the sun and on the beautiful lakes. We jumped off cliffs into the lake and water skied every chance we got. In the Winter we skated on the lake and sledded our brains out. It was there that Tami and I really learned to ski. In the short time we were there we built some terrific friendships with those teens and those relationships are still important to us and them today.
There was a principle at work then that we didn't even understand. Paul talks about it in 1 Thessalonians 2:8
We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the Gospel of Christ , but our very lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.
We didn't know it, but through the fun times we shared and the memories that were being made, God was knitting us together - not just with each other, but with Him as well. From the time I realized this truth, I began to live with the belief that ministry, in a nutshell, is about building positive memories and tying those memories to Christ.
This principle has served us well. Now as we plan a program, or write a camp curriculum, or develop the next set of Bible studies this principle guides almost everything. The key question is, "How can we make this enjoyable, memorable, and clearly glorify God?" If those three goals are met - whatever the event it is a success. In the past 25 years, many crazy, creative events have grown out of this principle and more importantly, so have many faithful people.
As I moved into Youth Ministry a few years later I realized that my teens were full of mischief and into the same kinds of harmless fun I loved. We were in Coeur d'Alene ID.. What an amazing place. It was my first full-time ministry and I didn't really know what I was doing. Tami and I were newly-weds and clearly very cool in the eyes of the teens. (In fact on our first day at the church, Tami was so young and good looking that one of the more outgoing youth group guys actually hit on her, not realizing she was the new Youth Minister's wife - yeah I used that against him for a lot of good mileage - but I digress)
The years we were there we toilet papered plenty of houses and spent as much time as possible out in the sun and on the beautiful lakes. We jumped off cliffs into the lake and water skied every chance we got. In the Winter we skated on the lake and sledded our brains out. It was there that Tami and I really learned to ski. In the short time we were there we built some terrific friendships with those teens and those relationships are still important to us and them today.
There was a principle at work then that we didn't even understand. Paul talks about it in 1 Thessalonians 2:8
We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the Gospel of Christ , but our very lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.
We didn't know it, but through the fun times we shared and the memories that were being made, God was knitting us together - not just with each other, but with Him as well. From the time I realized this truth, I began to live with the belief that ministry, in a nutshell, is about building positive memories and tying those memories to Christ.
This principle has served us well. Now as we plan a program, or write a camp curriculum, or develop the next set of Bible studies this principle guides almost everything. The key question is, "How can we make this enjoyable, memorable, and clearly glorify God?" If those three goals are met - whatever the event it is a success. In the past 25 years, many crazy, creative events have grown out of this principle and more importantly, so have many faithful people.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Reflections on 25 years of Youth Ministry - #1
Yep - you read that right. I am celebrating 25 years of being in full time Youth Ministry this year...and yes that does mean that I started my first youth ministry when I was just 4 years old. Although short of stature, I have always been an over achiever.
Anyway I have decided that since I am feeling a bit nostalgic about this milestone, I will write some posts reflecting on lessons I have learned through my adventures in ministry. This first post is dedicated to the family God has blessed me with at the Conejo Valley Church of Christ. Tami and I and our kids, Brendin , Caleb and Alicia, owe a great debt of gratitude and love to this wonderful body of believers! The past twenty years of ministry have been spent in partnership with you and we have been blessed!
When people ask me how I have managed to stay at one church for such a long time I often joke that Conejo is just a hard place to get fired from. In reality, for us, it has grown over the years to be a place that would be very hard for us to leave. My children grew up here. That is no small gift. It is rare for kids to be able to grow up in the same house with Dad in the same job for their entire life. This is a gift Conejo gave us. Thank you for that!
While no place or person or congregation is perfect the truth is that the Conejo church has done an awful lot of things right to help us stay active and effective. In this first post I want to focus on just a few of those things.
1. Flexibility and Forgiveness - This church body has been open to trying new things and given me the confidence to stretch my creativity without fear of "getting in trouble." We have instigated some pretty outrageous ideas in the name of ministry. Where else could I start an October tradition of a German-style beer garden serving root beer with bratwurst, soft pretzels, and an apple strudel contest as a fundraiser for mission trips? What other group of elders would let me pit them against the youth in a contest several years in a row with the consequences being that the losers have to go into a dunk tank in front of the entire congregation? We have allowed a flash mob in the middle of the Sunday morning announcements in order to promote an upcoming youth event. We have given space to teens to help teach and preach during the Sunday morning sermon. Other ideas have not gone so well, such as a game of whiffle ball in the auditorium resulting in a broken skylight in the 40 foot tall ceiling. Gracious support and an atmosphere of trust have nurtured my creative imagination for ministry here. When things didn't go exactly according to plan, the response of both parents and elders has been characterized by helpful assessment and forgiveness. Those are the real secrets to longevity.
2. Support for my education - From the beginning the Conejo church encouraged me to keep learning. The elders gave me a book fund as a part of the church budget as soon as I came here. This did not come out of my salary or the youth budget. It is a separate line in the overall church budget, designated specifically for me to be able to gain the resources I need in my personal library for personal growth and improvement in ministry. They have also consistently encouraged me to pursue formal education - leading to my completion of the Master of Divinity and the Doctor of Ministry I hope to complete in the next year.
3. The elders offered me a seat at the table - In our leadership structure, the elders are the true overseers. They are "my bosses" in the sense that I need to respect them and follow their lead. They set the salaries and do the "hiring and firing." Though all that is true, my elders never made me feel like I was just an employee. From the beginning I have felt like a valued partner in ministry. I have always been welcomed to have a voice in key congregational, pastoral, and ministry decisions. Over the years, this has allowed me to watch and learn from their wisdom. It has also allowed me to stretch my wings in pastoral care and managing tough congregational decisions within the safety of their leadership. From talking with or advising other young ministers over the years who have struggled with various issues in their churches, I know that my situation in this regard is rather rare. This is because, I believe, the attitude of my elders is rare. I am very thankful for these men. God has taught me much through them.
Well there are just a few of the reasons I have lasted so long in ministry at Conejo. God has been good and will continue to be - I am sure.
More reflections to come...
Anyway I have decided that since I am feeling a bit nostalgic about this milestone, I will write some posts reflecting on lessons I have learned through my adventures in ministry. This first post is dedicated to the family God has blessed me with at the Conejo Valley Church of Christ. Tami and I and our kids, Brendin , Caleb and Alicia, owe a great debt of gratitude and love to this wonderful body of believers! The past twenty years of ministry have been spent in partnership with you and we have been blessed!
When people ask me how I have managed to stay at one church for such a long time I often joke that Conejo is just a hard place to get fired from. In reality, for us, it has grown over the years to be a place that would be very hard for us to leave. My children grew up here. That is no small gift. It is rare for kids to be able to grow up in the same house with Dad in the same job for their entire life. This is a gift Conejo gave us. Thank you for that!
While no place or person or congregation is perfect the truth is that the Conejo church has done an awful lot of things right to help us stay active and effective. In this first post I want to focus on just a few of those things.
1. Flexibility and Forgiveness - This church body has been open to trying new things and given me the confidence to stretch my creativity without fear of "getting in trouble." We have instigated some pretty outrageous ideas in the name of ministry. Where else could I start an October tradition of a German-style beer garden serving root beer with bratwurst, soft pretzels, and an apple strudel contest as a fundraiser for mission trips? What other group of elders would let me pit them against the youth in a contest several years in a row with the consequences being that the losers have to go into a dunk tank in front of the entire congregation? We have allowed a flash mob in the middle of the Sunday morning announcements in order to promote an upcoming youth event. We have given space to teens to help teach and preach during the Sunday morning sermon. Other ideas have not gone so well, such as a game of whiffle ball in the auditorium resulting in a broken skylight in the 40 foot tall ceiling. Gracious support and an atmosphere of trust have nurtured my creative imagination for ministry here. When things didn't go exactly according to plan, the response of both parents and elders has been characterized by helpful assessment and forgiveness. Those are the real secrets to longevity.
2. Support for my education - From the beginning the Conejo church encouraged me to keep learning. The elders gave me a book fund as a part of the church budget as soon as I came here. This did not come out of my salary or the youth budget. It is a separate line in the overall church budget, designated specifically for me to be able to gain the resources I need in my personal library for personal growth and improvement in ministry. They have also consistently encouraged me to pursue formal education - leading to my completion of the Master of Divinity and the Doctor of Ministry I hope to complete in the next year.
3. The elders offered me a seat at the table - In our leadership structure, the elders are the true overseers. They are "my bosses" in the sense that I need to respect them and follow their lead. They set the salaries and do the "hiring and firing." Though all that is true, my elders never made me feel like I was just an employee. From the beginning I have felt like a valued partner in ministry. I have always been welcomed to have a voice in key congregational, pastoral, and ministry decisions. Over the years, this has allowed me to watch and learn from their wisdom. It has also allowed me to stretch my wings in pastoral care and managing tough congregational decisions within the safety of their leadership. From talking with or advising other young ministers over the years who have struggled with various issues in their churches, I know that my situation in this regard is rather rare. This is because, I believe, the attitude of my elders is rare. I am very thankful for these men. God has taught me much through them.
Well there are just a few of the reasons I have lasted so long in ministry at Conejo. God has been good and will continue to be - I am sure.
More reflections to come...
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